As singles, why do we long to be married?

I wasn’t expecting my first blog post of the year to be about this but while reflecting on 1 Corinthians 7, I was asking myself this question. Why do we long to be married?

Honestly, the single life is beautiful. When I see posts about “What to do while waiting… in the waiting season…” I feel ugh. Haha there are no words. I’ve read countless of blogs about women waiting for their Godly man and tips on what they should be doing as they wait (mostly the western view) and I just can’t relate.

I am not the type of person to pursue dating just for the sake of dating. I don’t think it is fair to lead a guy’s emotions for the sake of feeling like I desire the attention or I’m feeling lonely but realistically, not seeing a future with this person. People who start dating as teenagers… wow, I have no idea how it is even possible, but there are definitely many successful stories that I admire the ways they grew up together. But… it wouldn’t have worked for me. I just did not know who I was.

Gratitude towards the gift of singleness

As I reflect about my own season of singleness, I am grateful for moments where I’ve been able to know God in deeper ways as it influences how I get to know myself. I’m grateful for the people God has put in my life and stewarding these moments and cultivating deeper friendships. I am grateful for all the different experiences I’ve been able to have when learning skills and creative expressions. I’m grateful I can learn about what a Godly marriage looks like and get wisdom from my Christian married friends. Okay, I will dive into all these little topics in this post.

Taking time for self discovery

For my own journey, in my young 20s I was still discovering a lot of who I was. I didn’t even know what I enjoyed doing or what type of people I enjoyed being with. It took many years of discovery and now as I enter a new decade (woop woop 30s!), it’s like things are clearer and time seems even more limited. Priorities are important and relationships with people aren’t to be taken lightly. God created us with a desire for community. My longing for connection is so real.

Cultivating friendships throughout different seasons

The more seasons of life we walk in, the more people we will meet and build relationship with. No wonder why at times I feel exhausted to stay connected to so many of my friends who are walking in all kinds of seasons, but it’s a privilege to just send a message or receive a message, knowing that people are thinking about me and I am thinking about them. In the season of singleness, I am able to learn to cultivate friendships that are long lasting. With some friendships, I have over 15+ years of friendship and it’s the type of friendships that whenever you meet each other, it seems like time has not gone by. With other friends, we may know each other for 2 or 3 years, but we are able to talk about anything and pray for each other in ways that are so meaningful. Like, I know that they have my back and I got theirs. So… the reason I use social media is to keep connection with people from all different seasons of my life, so this little introvert girl can still stay connected to people with the help of visuals and cute stickers.

Time with Parents

I’m able to spent time with my parents and in some way support them through their new season of retirement and hoping to take them to many countries in the next years. Naturally, I love traveling and I hope to inspire adventure in their hearts, to encounter God’s beauty and cultures. As I adult more (lol using it as a verb), I’m able to understand more of their perspective and also enjoy friendship with my parents. They are honestly funny and very down to earth kind of people and no wonder I get my humor and sarcasm from them. I love adventuring with my mom and chilling with my dad. My sister and I have gone through ups and downs in our family dynamic with our parents but I feel like we are all finally in a place where we can enjoy each other and talk more openly. There are still challenges for sure, tension, stress, frustrations, but that is part of family life. When Jesus is at the center, we are reminded that we can’t fix each other, but we can have grace on each other and still learn together.

Discovering Skills and Creative Expressions

In my singleness, I am able to explore all kinds of skills and creative expressions. I am more of a hands on kind of person and I learn visually. The time I have in my hands feels limitless. Of course, my back still hurts and I feel sleepy after lunch, but there is a passion in my heart that keeps me going to dream big and learn different creative expressions, just to enjoy what God has created. Imagine what we can do with our resurrected lives when our back won’t hurt and we won’t feel tired! Many friends tell me how they enjoy seeing my creativity and how it inspires them. That is great feedback for me, as I don’t create to keep things for myself or to glorify myself, but hoping that this creativity can be contagious and inspire others to discover their creativity (which is not limited to arts and music, people.)

This Longing

Okay, so the point of this blog post is that I am processing what I’ve been learning in 1 Corinthians, you know, the letter where we can find the chapter about love and instructions from Paul for the single, engaged, married, and widowed. Over the years I’ve listened to many sermons and podcasts about this topic, to really grasp God’s design for marriage and for singleness. I don’t know why, but for a while it felt like these sermons were super biblical but in church communities I’ve been in, even though we had this biblical knowledge, marriage was elevated and practically idolized. “Why are you still single? Where is your boyfriend? When are you getting married?” And for the married people they ask “When are you having kids? When are you buying a house?” Wow… it’s exhausting. No wonder why people avoid talking to their aunties in Chinese New Year reunions. Rom-com movies and k-dramas infiltrate our minds giving us a perspective of relationships that is all butterflies and happily ever afters. Romantic comedies is one of my favorite genres to watch, I love reading about love stories (specifically manga, cause I don’t read much novels) and I am in the process of creating a comic story about friendships and relationships. For a while, I had to stay away from these k-dramas because it was affecting the way I viewed dating and marriage, almost twisting my whole view of the value of relationships, to the point that I started feeling lower than my friends who had found their partners. I’d ask myself, “What don’t I have that they have?” I’d fall into the trap of comparison and go downhill in my thought life. On top of that, social media is an endless hole of reels and posts about couples getting engaged, perfect weddings, and now people’s kids who are influencers too (I do enjoy the comedy, skits, and memes from these influencers though!) Our world is just idolizing relationships in ways that it feels like being in a relationship is the greatest reward on earth and it’s the reason we live for. It’s so crazy. How can I stop idolizing that feeling of being in love and relationships?

I don’t know the answer but as I take this this year to build my worldview through the Bible, I am able to see more of God’s heart and purpose for community, families, marriages, and singles. The season of singleness doesn’t mean that we are alone. It’s a season where we can devote so much time to cultivating our relationship with Jesus and serve our communities. The freedom we have to explore God’s creation, learn, and plan weekends to spend time with people, being intentional about building each other up and sharing joyful moments even when going through tough seasons.

Of course I desire a future spouse to have that companionship, friendship, and dream big together, build a life together… but at the same time, not to miss out on going all out for Jesus which is my greatest joy. And I hope that even if I do go into the season of marriage, my love for Jesus will be even greater. I am able to cultivate friendships that become like family and serve in different countries, learn more about God’s truth this year and discovering more of how God has created me to be, so I can be part of building his kingdom on earth.

I am thankful to have married friends as some of my closest friends, because they share what a true marriage looks like, not like the ones we see in those 5 second reels on social media. So, my single friends, keep pursuing the Lord, let the truth of God be your foundation, explore more of who you are and the areas to continue growing and healing, and observe your married friends’ lives to truly see what God-centered marriages look like, instead of relying on what media says about marriage (let’s not be deceived anymore!). Life can be really challenging, and we need community to walk together through the high and low seasons.

Well, that’s the end of my reflection about 1 Corinthians 7. Paul is a funny, sarcastic guy. I like him. I’d recommend you to read his letters.